The New Student Filter Trumpet

Imagine finally receiving your brand new STUDENT FILTER TRUMPET! This instrument has a very expensive grid installed inside the back of the bell. Is this for real or what? No matter how you blow it, a full pure tone emerges! Purchased at great cost, this new instrument will guarantee professional music-making every time it is played. A dull, unfocused, fuzzy note is a thing of the past. It just can't happen because you now own one of the rare and expensive SF Trumpets.

Unfortunately, this special trumpet will not be sold to just any students, only to those who graduate. Not to worry, the success record for the SF Trumpet is 100%. No one who uses this trumpet will ever again play like a student! All evidences of unpolished, out-of-tune, boring playing become history. Once the horn is in your possession, you can graduate from school and run straight to the stage.

Now this is not like the Emperor's New Clothes kind of horn, for this possession impresses every single listener, not just the naive. Sure to draw a crowd, this trumpet will pay for itself many times over. Idle passersby will stop to listen in jealous amazement! Audition committees will snap to attention as soon as you play. And, you will never again hear those dreaded words, "Thank you, next."

Incidentally, do you know what is engraved on the top of the bell as it faces the player? "A Student No More!" Buzzzzzzzzzzz! Your alarm clock sounds and it's time to get up for class.